1)      Find out that you require an item for personal use, several items for baking day (tomorrow) and that your mom needs to run a bill into Mennards before tomorrow anyway or pay a late fee.  Despite the fact that your cut-too-short-to-pull-back-and-too-crooked-to-leave-down-hair is greasy enough to lube the car… you have to get these things done sooner the better.

2)      Rush to get kids in bed so the shopping doesn’t shorten your baking time tomorrow.  Gather everything you need to go out the door.

3)      Come back to get the REST of what you need… like the bill that needs dropped off… and your phone… OH and your purse.

4)      Start out the door and turn around to replace items you just gathered because… the calves broke a board loose and are roaming about your yard. Except for Dunderchuck.  He’s laying on the hay INSIDE the broken fence.  Good ol’ Dunderchuck. 

5)      After much struggling… through the snow… in tennis shoes… with two calves… one of whom has manure on its tails… convince said calves to return through the hole in the fence… despite the fact that Dunderchuck is laying directly in their path and won’t get out of the way… Stupid ol’ Dunderchuck (I’m fickle..not really, we like Chuck, honest!).   Ponder briefly wether they will stay IN long enough to change from tennis shoes to boots… decide against it when Eb tries to come through while your still standing there.  

6)      CAREFULLY enter through the gaping hole and shoo all bovine out of the only place that currently holds drinking water which my husband JUST got back up and running last night for me once the hose thawed.   Huh.  The thought that our water problem was solved had me whistling and thinking how easy farm life was earlier today… ironic, isn’t it?

7)      Lock them out of that portion of the pen.  Try not to think about the need to either fix a fence or move a NEWLY FILLED water tank… heater and all to a new location.  So they can get a drink.  Tomorrow morning.  Which is baking day.  Which is already full.  And, oh yeah… about that store trip.

8)      Return to the house.  Wash manure off hand (it’s not as bad as poop.. honest.)  Regather items.  Track gross water into kitchen.  Tell children that you can’t possibly come fix their skipping CD, they’ll just have to wait for it to straighten itself out.  Head to van.

9)      Return for bill…again.

10)   Search frantically for bill -in the dark- retracing your steps in the great cattle herding expedition, searching the barn, the van, your purse and the house.   Become increasingly frustrated as you realize that your time before schnitzlefritz (the baby of the house) requires your presence back home again is quickly evaporating.

11)  Resign yourself to only getting the personal item you need and returning quickly home and going back tomorrow.  Use the restroom before you leave the house because that’s the wise thing to do… find the bill on the sink.  "MAYBE I can complete all the errands and avoid a return trip tomorrow if I run like a herd of monkeys", you rejoice.

12)   Pay the bill and proceed to store.

13)   Gather all items needed. 

14)   Go to check out.

15)   Pay for items.

16)   Leave store. 

17)   Realize you forgot peanut butter (VERY important for the peanut blossoms which are first on the agenda tomorrow) and decide to call home to see if the baby will give you any sort of grace period.

18)   Realize you don’t have your phone.  Decide to hope that it was left at home and not dropped somewhere between here and there.  Deep breath.  Go home.

19)   Carry in groceries.  Become thankful that you thought to pick up what you need to make fudge as they will have something to start on tomorrow morning while you return to the store for peanut butter.  

20)   Take care of child, go out to put groceries away.  WAIT!!! Where are the REST OF THE GROCERIES!?!?!?!  Only HALF of the items came home with you, the rest (including the ingredient you need to start baking day tomorrow and the item you most needed personally) are sitting on the counter at WalMart!!!! 

21)   Try to stifle some ‘it’s too late for me to be grown up about this since I had a short night last night’ tears.

22)   Call Walmart and contact a very gracious person who says helpful things like: ‘Happens all the time!’,  ‘Really, our fault!’  And Just bring your receipt back and pick the items up again, no big deal.

23)   Decide that any other activity this day can only end in cracking my fragile composure.

24)   Whine about… I mean… RECORD the event on cyberspace. (because we all know that this will be freaking hilarious by morning, hey.. it’s getting kind of funny now, come to think of it!)

25)   Go to bed.

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