Dear Church,

No, I’m not breaking up with you.  I am, however, going to have to delay our plans to get together.

I would LOVE to be involved in your activities.  I long to be close enough to you to feel your heartbeat.  And before you ask, it’s not you… it’s me.

Well, I suppose it’s partially you, but only because you have taught me so well.  See, I’m trying to love my husband, love my children and be a keeper at home.  For some reason, those things take SO MUCH more time to do correctly than I thought!  By the time we do the bare minimum of keeping the home in the form of morning chores, teach reading, instruct three children in Biblical things, take time to eat, grant the children proper amounts of rest, exercise dominion over our home with our afternoon cleaning and take time to form non-work bonds with our children in the evening, and deal with hiccups and child training (and self-training I must admit) throughout the day…  it’s time for bed.   I would like to say that we don’t waste any time in between.  The truth is, we do, but not enough at any consistent time to package up and spend on anything outside of our home. 

If I tried to become involved in any of your very worthy ministries or studies, if I tried to get closer to you, it would be a matter of trading time from the three things that I have been taught should be my main ministry focus.   At this point, I feel we are only scratching the surface of each of those areas as it is. 

It’s not that I don’t love you anymore.  It’s that I love you enough to focus on what I think you would most want me to do. 

It won’t be like this forever.  Someday, my children will be older.  They will have less napping and more doing.  Less instructing and more participating.  Less teaching how to help and more actual helping.  When that day comes, I want us to get back together.  I want my children to come alongside me and serve well.  In the meantime, I’m teaching them about your central focus.  I’m trying to train them to obey cheerfully and attempting to learn how to do that myself (I’m afraid that they learn more quickly than I do).  I’m hoping to fall deeper in love with your Guide Book so that they will follow behind me.  And frankly, I’m trying to drop kick my kids eight steps ahead of me in every godly pursuit… which I’m thinking probably won’t work, but end up attempting anyway because even as my sin nature inhibits my own pursuit of these things, I see and understand the importance of it enough to want my children trained early so as to avoid the bad habits and/or lack of good habits that I’ve accumulated over the years.  So you see that I still love you and what you stand for.  How could I not love what God adores?

So, please, don’t forget about me.  Don’t think me unloving or uncommitted.  Please help me make this long-distance relationship work.  I will try not to let my love grow cold towards you and I hope you will do the same. 

Love,

Caryn

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