I hope not.

So, it’s last Friday and I have a friend coming over to stay the evening.

I’m behind in pretty much everything that I normally need to catch up on (floors, actually putting away laundry, cleaning counters, kids’ baths) and everything that I try to stay caught up on (the running of the laundry through the machines, the dishes, the table, the bathroom).

What’s worse… I can’t get motivated this day.  My eyes don’t want to be open.  My body doesn’t want to be in motion and my brain doesn’t want to be tapped.  My emotions don’t want to hear about anything (including whatever it is that the youngest is into or why there is whining). Amazingly enough, my kids are behaving despite my lack of enthusiasm and attention. 

I decided the night before while I caught up on dishes that I needed to at least:

Clean off the table
Pick up and mop the kitchen floor
Bathe the children (It’s pretty close to Sunday, after all, and they are a little grubby! =) )
Clean the bathroom
Skip oldest childrens naps
    (This was intended with the anticipation of putting them down early and having adult time with friend that evening… which part of the plan wasn’t on the
     actual list.  This seemingly unimportant detail is actually somewhat crucial to the orneriness of the whole story!)

But morning arrives, still overcast and I am so UNmotivated that I just can’t stand even attempting my list which on a motivated day the cleaning part would maybe take an hour (with interruptions) and bath time… well… that always varies depending on the child and circumstances.  Yes, it’s official.  I’m a wuss today.

I decide I’ll settle for "Clean off the table".  Get that accomplished in the time it should have taken to do the entire list. 

Realizing the extent of my wussiness,  I decide I have to at least ATTEMPT bathroom duty.  I enter.  Look around.  Become overwhelmed (this is a SMALL bathroom… it’s been cleaned in the last week… it really isn’t THAT overwhelming… I’m just THAT pathetic today.)  Realize that the weather and the pregnancy hormones (huh?  What hormones attack one day out of 9 months??) or the lack of sleep (OR NOT, the last two nights I’ve actually SLEPT as opposed to tossed and turned every two hours AND had naps in the afternoons!)… Okay, truthfully, it was realizing that there shouldn’t be anything THIS wrong with me that freaked me out the worst and made me feel SO wretched.

So I cry to God and plead with Him… something along the lines of "I just can’t do this today.  I don’t know why this is so hard, but please help me find some motivation lest I spend the rest of the day curled into a fetal position behind the couch hiding from my children."

Never doubt that God has a sense of humor!

So, I call my children in to eat.  (Yes, rest assured that I still feed my children even on days like this.)  While they eat, I’m going to make a smoothie instead of eating lunch.  The blender doesn’t want to blend my strawberries.  Boo hoo.  Literally.  My son asks what the problem is and I respond "This isn’t working the way I want it to and I’m not handling it the way I should so please don’t talk to me for a little while!" Sadly, he’s been around long enough that he gets this and wisely turns back to his food (keeping an eye on me the way an insane asylum worker might keep tabs on a volatile inmate). 

Get the blender to work.  The kids ask for smoothies too (which is built into the amount I make, of course!).  My son, in his excitement turns around and inadvertently knocks a glass full of water off onto the kitchen floor.  A glass glass.  Lift children over the glass and onto safe ground.  Pause for a moment to dredge up some form of responsible action that does NOT include ‘crime scene’ taping the kitchen and just leaving it this way.  (I’m telling you… Wuss like you’ve NEVER seen a wuss before!  It’s pitiful!)

My dear, responsible son, knowing that I’m already having a rough day apologizes in a mature fashion.  I assure him that I’m not angry, just wasn’t ready for this today, but it’s not a big deal… (yeah, as if he’ll swallow that line when my blender’s malfunction is affecting me so much)… he apologizes again until I remind him that he’s already forgiven, it’s an accident, it’s not his fault that mommy’s a basket case today.  Just go play and let me finish up.  It’s fine.  I love you very much and I’m not at all angry about this.  "Are you just upset about your shake, then?" {smile slightly at him as the stupidity of my emotions is thrown in my face} Off he goes.  (Boy, does mommy feel like a heel.  My four year old is more mature than I am today!)

My daughter rises to what would normally be a challenging request for her and takes my youngest son into their room to entertain him while I complete the job. (And succeeds admirably, no less… Ditto with the heel impression!!)

Since the glass had water in it, I can’t simply sweep it up.  I have to soak up the water.  Since it’s in teeny, tiny little shards, I have to mop after the big pieces are up.  Since it shattered EVERYWHERE, I have to do the whole floor.

"Pick up and mop the kitchen floor" – CHECK!  

That accomplished I call my children in.  Divvy up the finally finished smoothie and start to explain to Orion why his breaking that glass is a good thing and that it helped me do something I needed to do but really didn’t’ want to… providence of God, yadda yadda… Didn’t get very far.  Halfway into the first sentence I watch my daughter’s glass tip the entire contents of her shake onto herself.

"Mommy, I made a mess!" Profuse tears, certain that she’s in trouble, despairing over the lost treat and disappointed that after all her efforts to keep her ‘big girl pants’ dry she’s messy anyway!  That’s a lot for a three year old to deal with.  Plus, it is nap time by now. 

Console her.  Promise her some of my shake.  Sop up the worst of it from her and the floor so as to do only LOCALIZED mopping this time.  Send her to the bathroom to undress (go potty while you’re at it!) and wait while I finish up the floor.  Return to clean her up.  Realize that I’m about to wash her entire body and put clean clothes on so she can take a nap.  How foolish would it be to do that when I meant to do baths today anyway?!?? Might as well put the smallest fry down while she’s bathing, help her wash her hair and then I’ll have one child bathed at least.

Before she’s even in the tub, experience the reality of "When one child gets a bath, every child desires a bath the same day if not the same hour" rule of motherhood.  Reassure sons that they will have a turn AFTER naps which I’ve decided to proceed with DESPITE my intentions BECAUSE I NEED ONE!

Wait for an hour for children to go to sleep so I can snooze.  Doze off during my sentry duty, wake up 20 minutes later to find that daughter is playing with  youngest child who has awakened and oldest son is also still awake.  Give up on naps and revert to original early bedtime plan… again… this part is NOT actually on my to do list!

Skip naps – CHECK!

Finish promised baths for the boys.  Maintained composure even during predictable SHRIEK fest of hair washing on the youngest – which was surprisingly minimal today!


Bathe the children – CHECK!

You are just being ORNERY about this today! {with a smile}

Once baths are done, realize that I did the majority of the bathroom while waiting for kids to get out of the tub

Clean the bathroom – CHECK!

UGH!!! You think You are SOOO funny.  {Chuckle} Okay, You might be {giggle} a little {Snort} funny!!!  Haahahahahahahah.  Thanks… I think!

{Children start wondering if mommy really HAS flipped this time!}

It took until 10pm or so for all three children to fall asleep that night including a half hour screaming fit/ discipline session with daughter (when my kids go to bed early… that’s like, in bed at 7 and hopefully out by 8…. they are almost ALWAYS asleep by 9) and then the one year old toddled into the basement to join us at 11:30pm.  Next time I have a meltdown and ask God to help me get my list done, I’ll make sure to check my list ahead of time to insure that I include

Put kids to bed early!  

SOOOOOO ornery!