This sounded pretty amusing when I was reiterating it to Matt…. perhaps I’m a masochist in disguise to laugh, but here goes:

Ten minutes after I get up (still only getting like 5 hours a night, so bear in mind that I’m never awake and certainly not right after staggering downstairs)
my daughter comes to sit on my lap.  She’s wet.  I wonder “how did she manage that?” When I start to remove her soaked nightshirt, I see that she has taken it upon herself to remove her diaper.  Dad decides that today would be a great day to start wearing underwear.  I think “why not”.

A few minutes after this, Lithany says for the second time in two days “I have nasty ticks in my hair.”  Last time was a false alarm.  Dad checks her out anyway and says those lovely words…”You don’t have ticks, but you do have lice.”   UGH, Shudder, Chills, Immediate itchy scalp.

Dad strips the beds and starts the wash for me.  He leaves for work.  He will be gone all day. It’s about 8:00am.

I start panicking about what lice means for our trip to Wyoming this weekend.  Look up home remedies on the internet since none of the popular lice shampoos are suited for the four and under crowd.  Call Wyoming home to see what their thoughts are on louse infested guests. 

While I’m looking up information, feeding a baby and trying to keep said baby out of the dog food and off the stairs, a book is destroyed, my purse is nearly emptied twice in an effort to eat my mint stash, my hooligans are having the time of their lives racing up and down stairs while yelling “I find you… 12345” and in the process all of Asa’s suckers go missing… his curtain rod is pulled down (bent) and left on the floor and Lithany leaves puddles in the bathroom once and on the carpet the second time. This after she has ‘gone potty’ for me two other times.

A few minutes later (all this within a few hours, mind) my daughter comes down to tell me “I have poop.”  Sure enough she does.  Not only does she have it WITH her, she has also left a charming little bunny trail that runs the gamet of the hallway and part-way down the stairs. ick.  Clean up on Aisle TWO!

We resume diapers and leave potty training for another day.

I put Asa to nap.  I sit the kids down in front of whatever’s on PBS at 10:45.  I take a shower.  My head no longer itches in a sympathetic manner.  Hooray.

Relative peace while I comb through my children’s hair to search for evidence of lousy lice.  (head starts itching again) None found.  Raised scabs found, however… on both heads.  Could be mosquito bites from our gardening adventures?  Go look up scabby heads to see if that corresponds with lice. Get support call from sister.  Gotta love those sisters.

Get ready to put my two older ones down for a nap… realize the beds aren’t made because all their linens are being washed in super hot water.  Read them their story.  Remind them to lie still.  Asa wakes up as soon as they are about to fall asleep.  I get Asa and feed him in their room to help them remember that jumping on beds, goofing off and other enjoyable pasttimes are not kosher during naptime.  They do fairly well.   Asa gets done eating and begins distracting.  I take him to my room to play on the floor and ingest dust jackets from my books while the other two hopefully drift into that soft sleep.  Yeah right.  By now they are wide awake and giggling again. 

Eventually put Asa in his crib to play…er… scream while I ever so calmly encourage the art of lying still and closing your eyes.  Finally Lithany goes to sleep.  I leave Orion to go to sleep on his own.

His smallest highness is by now in a pitched parozysm of anger and frustration at this new and unfavorable arrangement.  It takes about a half hour to get him calmed to the state of playing on the floor instead of demanding my lap to air his grievances.

Put Asa back down later and take a short snooze before other two awake.  Bad idea.  Couldn’t wake up.

Older two go play outside running scooters and other such things down the sidewalk.  Lithany gets foot caught in tree.  Yeah, I know.  She has this special talent.  Orion cuts both sides of foot on scooter?? Later as I go inside to prep supper, concerned neighbor comes over to tell kids not to ride all the way down the block to the road and back.  I confirm when I get back outside that this is acceptable…. cementing my ‘careless parent’ award for all time.  (As an aside, I love that he felt okay protecting my kids and told him so.  That’s the best part of small towns.)

Find my purse completely emptied this time (I had previously removed the mints in their presence and told them that until they learned to ask and not take they would not have any treats.) with cards and checkbook and keys strewn from wall to wall in the front room.  Deal with the disobedience.  Remind them that I’ve confiscated the goods for the next ‘morety’ days.

Try to put Asa down for evening nap.  Nope. As I’ve been suspecing, he’s definitely outgrown this one. DARN!

Watch Lithany try to pedal a trike.  Bring them in to eat and drink.  Read two stories with only eight interruptions by Asa per book.  Finally get smart and put Asa to bed.  Finish books.  Put Orion to bed in my bed and Lithany to bed in her own bed (No way do I have enough patience to deal with two in the same room tonight!)  Give them permission to read books, tell them to be quiet.  Go downstairs.  Fix my own supper (it’s 9pm), my own drink, take it to the TV room.  Go upstairs to return Lithany to her own room and warn her to stay there.

Turn on House.  Start to fall asleep.  Realize that the kids are playing.  Deal with the insubordination.  Install baby gate at doorway and shut door.  Wait for House to get over.  Then wait some more.  Finally quiet.  Move Orion to his room.  Wait, wait, wait for Matt to get off and call about what to pick up for treating heads.  Nearly fall asleep.  Talk to him on the phone.  Might as well wait for him to get home. 

Spend until midnight trying to fall asleep.  Get up with Asa at 4:30… NUTS!  I’ll have to feed him because the suckers are still lost!  Orion wakes up at 5:00 whining.  I’m still awake.  Settle the issue.  go back to sleep. 

This morning things are going smoother. It’s already 9am and everybody is happy.  My oldest IS outside unattended again, though.  I have coffee going.

Now all I have to do is pack for everyone, clean out the van, rearrange carseats, do all the chores I neglected yesterday.  Oh!  Wash clothes so I have the right number of clothes to pack.  Oh… and treat heads for lice… just in case.  Should be fun.  It only takes an hour of setting the stuff and then the length of time to comb through it with that tiny comb.  Twice.  Then Matt and I will treat ours.  I can’t wait to drive 9 hours to Wyoming with my three plus one.  That will be anticlimatic next to these two days! =)

I’m still smiling about yesterday.  I’m sure other families are crazy too, but I take pride in thinking that our crazy is just a little more crazy. =)

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