I saw a couple of very good friends tonight.  People I think of often but don’t see or speak to often enough.  They are wise about many things and have frequently been the impetus God used for a great deal of good in my life.  I was with them only a few hours tonight and already I have new fodder for thought.
 
Whereever you are, be all there.
 
Okay, I’m a woman, I’m a multi-tasker, I’m focus challenged.  I’m not sure if I’ve ever been “all there”.  (yeah, laugh it up, but you know what I meant)
 
I can be pushing kids on the swings and trying to mentally solve other issues.  I’m feeding Asa, reading a book and talking on the telephone.  I can’t even finish a prayer without interruptions occuring within my own brain.  “God thank you for giving us such beautiful weather to enjoy today {What are we going to do today? It’s nice enough for tennis?  Did I wash Matt’s ‘tennis’ shirt, or was that the shirt I need for tomorrow?  What else do I need for tomorrow?  Oh, right I need to bake.  Do I have the ingredients I need? 
 
Wait.  
 
What was I saying?
 
Why am I sitting here when I need to bake and check the laundry? 
 
Sometimes, I don’t even know what I’m thinking about because my brain is spinning too much to pin down any one thought and examine it.  Is it possible for me to be all there?  I’m going to try it.  It would be nice to read to my kids and actually pay attention to what I’m doing instead of letting my mouth read independently and my brain be not on the kids, but on what are we going to do next, should I do this or this, can I get this accomplished today, what if, what did… etc. 
 
Maybe I should take Karate… learn the whole focus thing.  Besides, wax on/wax off is so fun.  Maybe I should learn to pray… really pray.  Wholehearted and whole brained.  Focus would come with that too.
 
So I left these friends and was remembering something my brother said after my dad passed away.  I can’t quote it, but something about wondering why he was crying when he had been blessed for so long with such a good dad and then realizing… well, that would be why I am crying.  I’m not much for crying.  It makes my nose run and makes it hard for me to breathe.  But when I saw these people expecting to be thrilled to see them, I was suddenly sad and couldn’t really pin down the why.   I think I understand why now.  The fact that it hurts, is good.  It means there was something good there that I miss.
 
I miss getting pushed to grow.  Being cared about enough to be confronted.. not just about what I do but about how I think.  There’s security in both of those. 
I miss the great encouragement I received through these people.  Not just through the way they interacted with me, but with each other and others around them. 
 
Those are good things to miss.  Now, let’s see if I can pin down thoughts that are linear enogh to ask God to use them that way with their new surrounding persons. 
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